April 02, 2004
Love
Talking to mother
I'm a loner, brother seeks affection
I got attention, brother wants it
My mother is not angry at me for getting into a non-prestigious college, she's angry with me because she feels I haven't tried my hardest to get into the position I'm currently in. supposing my brother ended up only getting into UCD or CSUS, she would not be disappointed, because he tried his hardest to get there.
My mother and I aren't so different when it comes down to it. The more I hear from her, the more I learn of just how pragmatic and rational she is when it comes to making any sort of decision.
People within their lifetime begin to make a ranking of what is most important to them. For some, they wish to live comfortably, for others, they wish to accumulate as much wealth as possible. For others even, they wish only to help others, et cetera and so on. People will forsake other such rewards and situations in order to pursue their highest-most goal. In the case of my mother and many other mothers, they see the futures of their own children as the most important goal of all.
Mark got into Yale, Stanford, Harvard, full ride to UCLA, among other things. I would wager that his most important goal at this point in his life was to make his parents proud. He wanted so badly to be accepted by his parents, much as my own brother does now. He was willing to put aside his own desires, nay, let his desires and goals become the desires and goals of his own parents in order to make proud those he felt closest to.
My mother talked to me about Diana, my girlfriend. She mentioned that she actually did not dislike Diana at all, and really was rather fond of her in some sense. She felt Diana was cute, and apparently exhibited a 'good upbringing', at least I think that's the impression she was trying to convey. Apparently she feels that this is one thing she has taught me and my brother very well. Respect, manners, simple courtesy; a way to put others before yourself and to realize that a minor inconvenience or effort spent on your part for the sake of another is time well spent.
I take quite a bit of pride in this thing I call individuality. I like to think I'm a fairly unique kinda guy with an odd belief-set that was formed through careful analysis of my own beliefs and careful readings of the philosophies of others. I've also never been one to really enjoy this idea that arbitrary grades will determine how much I have learned and where I will continue to learn. I explained to my mom that probably one of the higher priorities of my life is simply to learn about the world in general. She understood what I meant, understood why it was that I would feel that way, but when it came down to it, she knew just as much as I did that I signed up to play by the rules of the system when I decided I would go to college. Regardless of my own ideals, the system is as it is and I can either attempt to change it, or I can play by their rules and do my best. Supposing I'm really cracked up to be all that I think and everyone else thinks I am, I can kick the system's ass, right?
Supposedly, my grandma always thought I was the smartest of her four grandchildren. What does that mean though? Oldest cousin on that side of the family is currently going to Stanford and working with either IBM or Intel, I can't remember. His younger brother, one year my junior, is studying off at some nice college in California, I can't remember which. UCLA or better I think, probably a private college. My brother's in 9th grade, and I think the worst grade he's ever gotten on a report card has been an A-. So why would my grandma say I'm the smartest of the 4?
My brother is going to the state Future Problem Solving meet sometime toward the end of this month in Burbank. He apparently very much wants my mother to go, though my mother is reluctant to do so since she only recently came back from LA and doesn't much feel up to making the trip again. I can imagine that he would feel quite bitter about this since I went to the Academic Decathlon state meets twice and she went to the awards ceremony both times I think. I feel really bad for him because I really did get all the attention from mom and dad.
My mother went to pretty much each one of my "open house" things in Junior high. My brother pretty much had to beg her to go to his. So she went to one fairly recently. On the way home my brother asked her, "So mom, what did my teachers say?" My mom responded that pretty much all of his teachers liked him as a student, thought he was a great kid, very nice during class, and his bio teacher said something along the lines of "he's a really, really nice kid, he's a good one." My brother then asked my mom, "mom? Did you know I was a good kid? Do you think I'm good?"
I'm a loner, brother seeks affection
I got attention, brother wants it
My mother is not angry at me for getting into a non-prestigious college, she's angry with me because she feels I haven't tried my hardest to get into the position I'm currently in. supposing my brother ended up only getting into UCD or CSUS, she would not be disappointed, because he tried his hardest to get there.
My mother and I aren't so different when it comes down to it. The more I hear from her, the more I learn of just how pragmatic and rational she is when it comes to making any sort of decision.
People within their lifetime begin to make a ranking of what is most important to them. For some, they wish to live comfortably, for others, they wish to accumulate as much wealth as possible. For others even, they wish only to help others, et cetera and so on. People will forsake other such rewards and situations in order to pursue their highest-most goal. In the case of my mother and many other mothers, they see the futures of their own children as the most important goal of all.
Mark got into Yale, Stanford, Harvard, full ride to UCLA, among other things. I would wager that his most important goal at this point in his life was to make his parents proud. He wanted so badly to be accepted by his parents, much as my own brother does now. He was willing to put aside his own desires, nay, let his desires and goals become the desires and goals of his own parents in order to make proud those he felt closest to.
My mother talked to me about Diana, my girlfriend. She mentioned that she actually did not dislike Diana at all, and really was rather fond of her in some sense. She felt Diana was cute, and apparently exhibited a 'good upbringing', at least I think that's the impression she was trying to convey. Apparently she feels that this is one thing she has taught me and my brother very well. Respect, manners, simple courtesy; a way to put others before yourself and to realize that a minor inconvenience or effort spent on your part for the sake of another is time well spent.
I take quite a bit of pride in this thing I call individuality. I like to think I'm a fairly unique kinda guy with an odd belief-set that was formed through careful analysis of my own beliefs and careful readings of the philosophies of others. I've also never been one to really enjoy this idea that arbitrary grades will determine how much I have learned and where I will continue to learn. I explained to my mom that probably one of the higher priorities of my life is simply to learn about the world in general. She understood what I meant, understood why it was that I would feel that way, but when it came down to it, she knew just as much as I did that I signed up to play by the rules of the system when I decided I would go to college. Regardless of my own ideals, the system is as it is and I can either attempt to change it, or I can play by their rules and do my best. Supposing I'm really cracked up to be all that I think and everyone else thinks I am, I can kick the system's ass, right?
Supposedly, my grandma always thought I was the smartest of her four grandchildren. What does that mean though? Oldest cousin on that side of the family is currently going to Stanford and working with either IBM or Intel, I can't remember. His younger brother, one year my junior, is studying off at some nice college in California, I can't remember which. UCLA or better I think, probably a private college. My brother's in 9th grade, and I think the worst grade he's ever gotten on a report card has been an A-. So why would my grandma say I'm the smartest of the 4?
My brother is going to the state Future Problem Solving meet sometime toward the end of this month in Burbank. He apparently very much wants my mother to go, though my mother is reluctant to do so since she only recently came back from LA and doesn't much feel up to making the trip again. I can imagine that he would feel quite bitter about this since I went to the Academic Decathlon state meets twice and she went to the awards ceremony both times I think. I feel really bad for him because I really did get all the attention from mom and dad.
My mother went to pretty much each one of my "open house" things in Junior high. My brother pretty much had to beg her to go to his. So she went to one fairly recently. On the way home my brother asked her, "So mom, what did my teachers say?" My mom responded that pretty much all of his teachers liked him as a student, thought he was a great kid, very nice during class, and his bio teacher said something along the lines of "he's a really, really nice kid, he's a good one." My brother then asked my mom, "mom? Did you know I was a good kid? Do you think I'm good?"
# posted by Yann : 01:44
