May 08, 2004
Me talk pretty sometimes too
So last Saturday night I went with Diana and a friend of hers to a beginner's dance night at some dance studio in Sac somewhere. It was fun I suppose, but as I lack any sort of training in typical social dances, I really, really suck at them. I did do swing for about a year, but leading in East Coast Swing is a lot simpler than in any of the more traditional dances such as the Waltz or the Foxtrot. So altogether, the night was fun, but I seriously suck at ballroom dancing, wheee. I suppose I can at least be proud that I didn't actually step on any toes.
Dancing is another one of those things I wish I could have spent more time doing, along with pretty much everything else in my life. I'm so damn flighty sometimes it's kinda sickening, makes me wonder whether I'll ever be able to stick with something long enough to become more than marginally skilled in it. I gotta wonder why it's been that I rarely stick with something for a long period of time.
In some sense, I realize that I lack diligence; a cursory examination of my grades should more than prove that statement. But then again, what's new? I suppose that not everyone can be skilled in everything, and that there will always be someone better, so maybe I shouldn't worry about this kind of thing. So altogether, I'm simply a normal guy who pursues his interests, although I've yet to find something I feel I can dedicate myself to. It's not worth worrying about I guess, but then another problem arises.
Why is it that always feel this need to excel at something? Why does it hurt every time I realize that I have not yet achieved greatness in any particular thing, or at all? Just thinking about the people in my life, I can name one or more things about each of them at which that particular person excels. Sometimes it's a skill, sometimes it's part of their character, but there is always something.
But then, what is it that I have ability in? I'm sure that, given time, one could think of a few things, but what of these things is my ability truly noteworthy? There are people who are famous for their skills by my age, why is that I've yet to find a single activity to which I can confidently say that I am skilled in? I could potentially justify all this with some mumbo-jumbo about how life is some sort of zero-sum game and what I lack in some areas is somehow complemented by strengths in other, unknown areas. Maybe I have latent abilities that have yet to be tapped, or perhaps I simply have not yet discovered the activity at which I will excel.
Or maybe, just maybe, it doesn't really matter anyway. So what if I'm not special in some way, so what if I may never be known for my abilities? What should it matter to me?
When it comes down to it, when you look to others to figure out why you are doing something, you begin to forget your long term goals. Why should the actions of someone else stop you from enjoying your particular hobby? That's the real meaning of being self-sufficient I suppose; you should be looking to yourself for reasons and looking to others for support.
Dancing is another one of those things I wish I could have spent more time doing, along with pretty much everything else in my life. I'm so damn flighty sometimes it's kinda sickening, makes me wonder whether I'll ever be able to stick with something long enough to become more than marginally skilled in it. I gotta wonder why it's been that I rarely stick with something for a long period of time.
In some sense, I realize that I lack diligence; a cursory examination of my grades should more than prove that statement. But then again, what's new? I suppose that not everyone can be skilled in everything, and that there will always be someone better, so maybe I shouldn't worry about this kind of thing. So altogether, I'm simply a normal guy who pursues his interests, although I've yet to find something I feel I can dedicate myself to. It's not worth worrying about I guess, but then another problem arises.
Why is it that always feel this need to excel at something? Why does it hurt every time I realize that I have not yet achieved greatness in any particular thing, or at all? Just thinking about the people in my life, I can name one or more things about each of them at which that particular person excels. Sometimes it's a skill, sometimes it's part of their character, but there is always something.
But then, what is it that I have ability in? I'm sure that, given time, one could think of a few things, but what of these things is my ability truly noteworthy? There are people who are famous for their skills by my age, why is that I've yet to find a single activity to which I can confidently say that I am skilled in? I could potentially justify all this with some mumbo-jumbo about how life is some sort of zero-sum game and what I lack in some areas is somehow complemented by strengths in other, unknown areas. Maybe I have latent abilities that have yet to be tapped, or perhaps I simply have not yet discovered the activity at which I will excel.
Or maybe, just maybe, it doesn't really matter anyway. So what if I'm not special in some way, so what if I may never be known for my abilities? What should it matter to me?
When it comes down to it, when you look to others to figure out why you are doing something, you begin to forget your long term goals. Why should the actions of someone else stop you from enjoying your particular hobby? That's the real meaning of being self-sufficient I suppose; you should be looking to yourself for reasons and looking to others for support.
# posted by Yann : 20:55
